When Billy was away at Boot Camp I used to write to him every night when I got in from work....I always kept his letters chipper & upbeat. He asked me to PLEASE KEEP HIM UP ON THE RED SOX & then the Summer Olympics and of course world events....so I would write his letters like I was reading a news broadcast. He really got a kick out of them...but, I ended each letter with "THE JOKE OF THE DAY"
I was rearranging things in his closet last night and had to move a giant duffel bag, when I took it down it was every letter he had received while down at Parris Island, we, MR. P & me wrote to him every night without fail so with our letters and then all of the friends and our families that had written well HE HAD A LOT OF LETTERS! I started to look through them and thought that it would be fun to share some jokes with all of you....
You've probably heard them already but just in case here are a few!!!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Military Meal Standards
MARINES: Meals, Ready-to-Eat 3 times a day.
ARMY: One hot meal, 2 MRE's.
NAVY: 3 hot meals.
AIR FORCE: Catered meals prepared by the Galloping Gourmet, Julia Child, Wolfgang Puck and Emeril Lagasse. All you can eat
Ways to Amuse Yourself During A Military Urinalysis
Ask your observer if he wants to race.
Wear a diaper.
Urinate all over the outside of the cup, and then refuse to wash your hands with anything accept antibacterial soap.
Inquire about a "take home cup."
Get your privates stuck in your zipper.
After four-and-a-half hours of holding it, pee so hard you knock the cup out of your hand.
When the nurse asks you to witness the cup being empty, insist that you have to stick your finger in there to "check it out for yourself."
When they call your name, walk to the counter looking really concerned. Calmly explain to the nurse that you haven't studied for this test, and want to know if there's any extra credit.
Put some water in your boot before the test. When you get to the peeing part, take off your boot, pour it into the cup, and shamefully say that you just couldn't wait.
Ask the observer to slap you on your rear-end a few times, just to get things going for you.
Bring a drink umbrella for your cup.
Since this person has probably seen a lot of people pee, ask him how you measure up.
Before you start, self-check for hernias (turn, cough, etc...)
Wear a condom.
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.
The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
Getting the Ship Under Way
A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel. The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way.
The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain. He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules - make sure the captain is aboard before getting under way."
And my favorite!
Nothing is impossible, but...
6 hours ago