Friday, January 7, 2011

Coming Apart At The Seams

Literally & figuratively ~

First the Literal…I went back to my rheumatologist today to get the once over and to have some lab work done before starting back up on Remicade.

Dr. A “you’re looking good but your hands are freezing and quite blue”

Me “well, they have been bothering me since early November & my left arm sometimes just hangs limply & hurts to move. I can’t lift my vacuum cleaner & you know I just love to vacuum!!”

After several attempts to twist, turn, tug & pull at them he had me get up on the table…

Dr. A “how’s that hip? Oh, sorry, very tender? Can you move it that way?”

Me “No!” with tears streaming down my cheeks.

Dr. A “Let’s head over to the ultrasound room.”

Me “Ughh”

35 minutes later, the tear in my hip is a little bigger and the cartilage is completely shot on the right side, right arm tendonitis & bursitis with a lot of wear and tear on the socket…left arm, tendinosis, bursitis, and a tear on my rotator cuff ~ FUN!!

Leg ~ a shot into the hip joint and into my groin OUCH!!!

R Arm ~ shot in the shoulder

L Arm ~ 2 shots in the left shoulder and a shot of “painkiller” into my ELBOW!!! I really thought I would faint, seriously…I have never felt anything like that but you can also hear it going through the tendons ~ EEEEKKKK!!!


I am wiped out!

Hopefully I can start back on Remicade in February; we had a colonoscopy scare right before Nikky’s wedding. Not sure if you remember or not but I had a colonoscopy in September the week before Nikky’s wedding, my colonoscopy was positive ~ 6 polyps, 2 of the ones that are “o.k.” and 4 that weren’t so “o.k.” one of the four was large and the pathologist was very worried about it. I was a bundle of nerves & didn’t tell a soul, (only my wing-man Mr. P) until I had it repeated on December 17th and was told that he got all of the “big one” this time ~ Thank you, Lord. That was why I had to stop the infusions, now if my liver enzymes are o.k. it’s a go & I hate to have to go for it but I really cannot wait to start back again. I feel like a wet dishrag & do not like it one bit!!!

Now for the Figurative… (I’m almost done; I know I have blabbed a lot tonight)
I do not like it when my children travel or my husband for that matter or my mother!!! Crazy I know but I get so anxious! When we were all driving to North Carolina Nikky checked-in at every state with a text picture or a quick call. I spoke to my mom several times during the first leg of the journey and then “MADE” her call me when they got back on the road at 5:00am the next morning, I calle dher a few more times after that!!! Billy called us while he drove down from CLJ.
I passed out cold once I got to see Nikky & Mike and I knew that they were o.k. I tried to be awake to meet my mom & Tommy but I just couldn’t do it, I made Mr. P promise to stay awake until he heard from them. They called he woke me up & then went to their room to help them unload and have a “cold one”! The next night the anxiety level was up again as Billy made his way to the wedding venue...

When Billy traveled to Parris Island, I dreaded it, didn’t want to get that call but was so relieved to hear that scripted message…my nerves were shot when he went to Japan & well all of you know what a nut case I was when he was making his way home!!!! WHAT A LONGGGGGGGGGGG WEEKEND!!!

Well, he heads out to Mojave Viper this weekend & my nerves are raw. I cannot stop the tears no matter how hard I try. I know what will be coming down the pike and I really don’t think I am strong enough. My heart is broken & I am so scared…He’s my baby boy and yes I feel foolish but I can’t help it.

So Prayer Warriors ~ I NEED YOU, PLEASE!!!!!

Until tomorrow, Be Safe & God Bless…


  1. I will sure pray for you. Sounds like your plate is full!

  2. G-I-R-L! Bursitis here and I have shots occasionally BUT so many at one time:( YIKES! I pray that you get to feeling better after all of those shots! AND the colonoscopy scare, no wonder you are crying!

    I know you are worrying about Billy and that is normal from where we have all been! Just PRAY with all you have and we'll be doing the same thing! Watch a funny movie and buy yourself something new:) Helps me! Love you bunches my friend, here comes a {{{{{{{{{{BIG 'OLE GANKY HUG}}}}}}}}}}}

  3. Got your back girl. (well also covering your hip and arm and shoulder,,okay let's just do the whole body prayer!) And I know about those trips out to different training sites....I just remember Justin saying - Mom..I'm doing what I have been trained to do, I'm preparing to do my job well. This is good!
    I want to do it...okay? He even wanted to go over to Afghanistan and get his first Combat experience under his belt. I know...we don't get it. But to them it's their job. It's what they have been "working up" for... the whole time.
    So us moms will just hang together here and console one another, and they can hang together out there and RAH one another and watch each other's backs. It's what they do best. They take care of their own. And they have the best Commander in Chief in the galaxy...GOD! Love and hugs and prayers... semper fi mms!

  4. Whew! That's a lot going on. (((hugs))) and prayers are definitely heading your way.

    Don't feel foolish. You're a momma and you're suppose to worry a bit and pray A LOT. You know that Marine of yours will be covered in prayer. He'll have a bubble of prayer protection around him. (That's what my hubby called it when he was in the sandbox.)

  5. My Dear Little Girl,
    I cannot tell you how my heart breaks for you. You are my first born and the most wonderful Daughter, Wife and Mother. You can't help the feellings that you are going through. But, with all the prayers and love that are streaming your way from me and all of your very faithful friends and family, you will get through it. I am always with you. Right behind you giving you a gentle nudge.
    I love you dearly my sweet girl.

  6. Dear Sweet Lynda...Yesterday I was on the computer and went to the Parris Island Yuku board where I first met you! I remembered all the tears we shed on there together and all the laughs and just everything we were going through at the time and now seems so easy! I have Justin leaving for all the same training here in a couple of months to only head right back to that horrible sandbox! I am scared and I worry and I cry and I just am not sure I can handle this again but we can do this...we can do this together! Just like boot camp!! I feel like sometimes I need to be committed somewhere that can handle me being so crazy!! Ganky always looks at the good and it is wonderful to have her around here to always show me that way. But I ALWAYS think of all the bad...the what ifs!!!! So I am here for you sweetie...ALL THE WAY!!! Maybe you need to paln a trip to stay with us for a while during the deployment!! :)

    Take care of your self and I hope those shots work! Good news about the polyps!! Feel better soon!! Love you bunches!! Remember...I am just a phone call away!!

  7. My heart is breaking for you Lynda. I hate to hear of all the physical pain you are suffering through.... makes my toe look like a walk in the park. My prayers are so with you!!!! Also for Billy and the time approaching. I cannot imagine so I will not act like I know what you are going through. But God does. He knows your heart, the future, and loves you, Billy and your family so much!!! He is there for you, watching over Billy, comforting a mothers heart, and holding you all up. I know and believe it with all my heart! We are also there to comfort you and love you! xoxo