Struggling....

I have been struggling with so many things as of late & not enjoying anything :/

I sit downstairs and think about coming up here to "visit" with all of you but then I think I'm just too tired. I have had two infusions that haven't seemed to help a whole heck of a lot, going back this Friday for a few injections in my hip ~ GRRR!

I have been going to Weight Watchers for four weeks now & I have only lost 1.4lbs, WTH I am writing everything down weighing & measuring but no luck!

My son is on my mind constantly, I cannot stop thinking of him. I wake up when I hear a car or truck outside and my heart pounds so hard I think that the neighbors will hear it, LOL! I scared Mr. P last Saturday night jumping up to look out the window...

My cell phone rang yesterday and the number came up USMC and a 910 exchange my heart stopped...it was Billy thank you Jesus. He had a few minutes on his calling card and needed to talk to someone. Two Marines were KIA and he was asked to help retrieve and ready for the flight home, he was able to be with them as soon as they arrived back at Camp Leatherneck and he stayed with them until they were ready to be boarded on the plane. He was able to be there to help load them in and then salute as they were carried past. He said that it was heart wrenching but beautiful, he said they were young men...still had a lot of life left to live. Billy said that he was honored to have been able to do that for them but that he was shaken to the core and feeling so sad for their families.

His other reason for calling was to let me know (you see he spoke to his dad on Sunday and told him but didn't' want to tell me) that he was going to be going out very soon and that after being a part of that sendoff he couldn't go out without calling to say he loved me. I can tell you it was hard not to cry while on the phone with him, I broke down when we finally hung up and I have been a wreck ever since.

Mr. P is very quiet we kind of just wander through our day aimlessly. I thank God for our beautiful daughter she is such a joy, she and Mike are enjoying life and moving on with some very exciting plans, hopefully I will be able to share with you all very soon.

I think that I am very depressed and anxious and I will be talking to my doctor again tomorrow about it.

Sorry to be such a bummer...

Until the next time....